To become authentic love, the early stages of romance require a fundamental condition beyond that strong sexual attraction: choice. To transform ‘erotic love’ or lust into a mature, authentic love, we’re required to choose to love from the centre of our being (be it the essence, spiritual self or soul, whatever resonates most with you). We must decide to see, sense, feel and connect with the other person through their own essence in a conscious and mindful movement. In that space, as Eric Fromm explains, we are all the same. And from this principle therefore, it doesn’t matter who we love because love should be a conscious commitment, an honest choice and a mindful action. I’d also add that authentic love begins as a desire and perseveres because of choice.
There are several common traits unifying empathic people, one of which is the commonly associated personality trait, empathy. Empathy is defined as a sign of emotional intelligence and emotional ability to understand other people’s feelings as if they were one’s own. Empathy is the act of putting ourselves in other people’s shoes and reaching our hearts out to others.
While the concept of narcissism dates back thousands of years, narcissistic personality disorder only became recognised as a mental illness within the last 2 decades. But how did narcissism come to be?
Working as a communication skills trainer in Asia and Europe for the last 20 years, brought me into contact with many people who shared a common ‘worst fear’: public speaking. “Why public speaking?” I would enquire. The answer is always a fear of rejection. “Rejected for what?” I’d probe. The answers I’d hear were often a resounding fear of not being good enough, others’ judgement or for not delivering what the audience expects of them.
was very disconnected from anything I could not prove or touch for many years. Mystery was not my thing. This probably came from the model I’d absorbed growing up: that I had to manage everything by myself, I had to make it all happen on my own and most importantly, that I could not trust anyone or anything besides myself.
I have been coaching people around the topic of confidence for many years. Having also designed corporate workshops which I've been delivering to hundreds of people around the world, I feel I've naturally grown into a Confidence Coach.
I’ve worked with several clients on confidence (or lack thereof). After many years of learning what the real meaning of confidence is, I recognise myself as an expert in this specific aspect.
Confidence is not as simple as it seems. There are many complexities and a spectrum of meanings within the definition of confidence. It involves attitudes, beliefs and behaviours that often aren’t innate gifts and need to be nurtured, practiced and/or acquired.
We often hear about and come across the term vision boards and visualising. We might know the benefits of using tools as such and we might not. But often we aren’t aware of the correlation between vision boarding and confidence. Even more so than a vision board, an inventory. Taking inventory of the past year is a useful tool. How do these tools come to play with confidence? Well, they help you to practice observing your actions and perhaps inactions and in so doing, practice becoming more confident in yourself.
“Religions have caused a lot of pain and trouble over hundreds and thousands of centuries but at their core, they offered us the possibility for spiritual experience and connection. They served a purpose which has now been totally lost in the whirlwind of skepticism we developed to protect ourselves against the unveiled dogma and corruption.”
I believe we are living in a very exciting and powerful time. You may not agree with this of course, we’re different human beings with different backgrounds, experiences and different conditioning. We’re allowed to see things in different ways and no one would be bad or wrong for doing so.
Why do I think it’s an exciting and powerful time? I feel that on the deepest level of consciousness, a radical spiritual transformation is taking place in a universal scale. We’re all in some way being challenged to let go of our present way of living and create a new one in its place.
There was a time when married couples would stay together for life. Despite a lack of happiness in the relationship, often rooted in unhealthy co-dependency between two partners, marriage wasn’t easily dissolved. People would choose to stay ‘glued’ together in the name of a commitment they made many years before. Often because it was financially more comfortable. Other times because they lacked the courage to take a leap of faith and enter the unknown. And more times than not, because they were used to conforming to the expectations of a hypocritical society.
I’ve struggled with fear for a really long time. It manifests itself in different forms each day. In this blog post I want to address the fear of the unknown. And the subsequent resistance to facing the unknown that we have, paralysed by this fear. We give fear the keys to our fate so that we can feel comfortable and safe. But what if we looked it straight in the face instead? What if we kicked the door down and took control back from fear?
“One of these dimensions in particular, is one that we tend to forget or prefer not to deal with. Looking into it might lead us to recognise something about ourselves that we might have preferred not to see, so we don’t look into it. I’m talking about the emotional dimension, which refers to our feelings, empathy, moods and creativity.”
In this particular article, as I talk about mother-daughter relationships, I write addressing the group of women whose painful childhood relationships and experiences with their mothers have gone on to warp their adulthood in ways they may not recognise.
The importance of a father’s role in our lives is not as widely discussed and invites a lot of different conversations, so I’m going to continue unpacking it bit by bit, starting by focusing on the relationship between Fathers & Daughters.
Scott Peck opened his bestseller, The Road Less Travelled, stating that “Life is Difficult”. Buddhism tells us that “Life is Suffering”. Christianity teaches us that “Life is Sacrifice”. Have we been misled?
Does a right man/woman exist? Is there a right or wrong friend/colleague/partner? Is there a right or wrong love? When do I know it’s the right time to take the risk of loving? Will this love make me happy again?
Through my own studies and life experience over the years, I came to realise that we can be compulsive and addicted to any kind of relationship, even one with a friend or colleague. The most detrimental reality is that often we don’t or can’t recognise it and can live a life going through toxic relationship cycles until we die.
We grow up, into ‘responsible adults’ thinking that we’re becoming more loving and more wise, but blind to what we’ve left behind because of fear and life experience. That wise, loving and responsible centre of ours is what we truly are underneath it all.
Narcissism is rife in the media today and is being Googled more often than ever. People are waking up to various narcissistic characters in their lives and I’m hearing more conversations about “how to remove toxic people from your life”, perhaps because of the rise in self-development and self-care.
This blog aims to shed a light on the fact that it’s not age that decides when we are adults. It’s not financial independence or not needing to ask for any help. What decides when we’re adults, and my mum has said this countless times in her writing, is when we begin taking responsibility for our choices and start standing in ourselves.
“I realised that before going out to preach to the world, through my work and social activism, I needed to be the first to take my own advice. I needed to learn how to ‘walk my talk’ by becoming a loving, responsible human being myself, from the inside and out. “
To become parents, or ‘different’ parents, we don’t actually need to do much, but we are required to be. When the focus shifts to being rather than doing, you automatically become a more authentic role model for your own children.
Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) teaches us that a simple change of words can make the difference in how we speak to ourselves and others. This is because of the nature of the words, for example, ‘lessons’ or ‘experiences’ are far less judgemental than ‘mistakes’. The knowledge that the effect that language and empowering words has on boosting and transforming our reality is not exclusive to NLP practitioners or trainees.