There was a time when married couples would stay together for life. Despite a lack of happiness in the relationship, often rooted in unhealthy co-dependency between two partners, marriage wasn’t easily dissolved. People would choose to stay ‘glued’ together in the name of a commitment they made many years before. Often because it was financially more comfortable. Other times because they lacked the courage to take a leap of faith and enter the unknown. And more times than not, because they were used to conforming to the expectations of a hypocritical society.
Through my own studies and life experience over the years, I came to realise that we can be compulsive and addicted to any kind of relationship, even one with a friend or colleague. The most detrimental reality is that often we don’t or can’t recognise it and can live a life going through toxic relationship cycles until we die.
I believe that forgiveness is an exercise in compassion, as Joan Z.Borysenko says in her popular book ‘Guilt is the Teacher, Love is the Lesson’.
And I believe that forgiveness it is not a quick-fix. It is a process. That forgiveness is an attitude, a state of mind. And finally that true forgiveness is a choice.
Observing my own marriage and listening to the stories of many in my profession, I came to realise that the major cause for marriages to breakdown is the lack of balance between ‘giving‘ and ‘ receiving’.