To become authentic love, the early stages of romance require a fundamental condition beyond that strong sexual attraction: choice. To transform ‘erotic love’ or lust into a mature, authentic love, we’re required to choose to love from the centre of our being (be it the essence, spiritual self or soul, whatever resonates most with you). We must decide to see, sense, feel and connect with the other person through their own essence in a conscious and mindful movement. In that space, as Eric Fromm explains, we are all the same. And from this principle therefore, it doesn’t matter who we love because love should be a conscious commitment, an honest choice and a mindful action. I’d also add that authentic love begins as a desire and perseveres because of choice.
98% of the Earth’s population is not self-actualised, according to Abraham Maslow. They therefore, act out from a space of unconditional or ‘inauthentic love’ for themselves and others. I believe that, no matter how much self-empowerment work I put myself through, becoming a self-actualised or authentic human being is a never ending process.
I believe that forgiveness is an exercise in compassion, as Joan Z.Borysenko says in her popular book ‘Guilt is the Teacher, Love is the Lesson’.
And I believe that forgiveness it is not a quick-fix. It is a process. That forgiveness is an attitude, a state of mind. And finally that true forgiveness is a choice.
Observing my own marriage and listening to the stories of many in my profession, I came to realise that the major cause for marriages to breakdown is the lack of balance between ‘giving‘ and ‘ receiving’.
If, at any time in our lives, we open our hearts, we fall in love. If at any moment of our existence, the heart closes, our love crashes.