My daughter came to spend the festive season with me in Barcelona, where I presently reside. We spent a wonderful time together in serenity and as I reflect back on it I can’t help but to look back at my role as a mum over the past 25 years.
When Stella was born, I promised never to be the kind of mother my own had been with me. I wanted to break the chain. How many of us want the same for ourselves and our children? To be and do better than our parents did? After only one year, I found myself straying from my promise.
Today I tell my clients to, “never commit to something you still don’t have the inner self-love and strength to sustain”. You’ll probably end up disappointed with yourselves and frustrated. It’s important to put the foundations in place, much like a house, and then lay the bricks one by one to build the structure upon it. What make up the foundations of a life fully lived? Personal wellbeing and self-awareness. When we focus on a strong foundation, we can build a sustainable and resilient house; we can build a whole and fully integrated ‘self’.
My mum didn’t have self-awareness and to this day never took any action to develop it. She never nurtured her foundation and therefore never attained wellbeing inside and out. She isn’t a bad mum though. She was and is a wonderful human being who was hurt and distanced by her own mum when she was only one years old. Nobody taught her what it meant to be a mother. I don’t believe she or any mothers like her are at fault. They’re victims of their own childhoods. Victims who, like many of us, chose to remain that way into adulthood without realising that when we grow up we actually have a choice to change the narrative. We always have a choice, but we can only make use of it when we develop self awareness and we become mentally, physically and emotionally balanced.
I’m grateful to have chosen a different path to my mother. About 25 years ago, when Stella was born, I chose to let her beautiful soul inspire me.
Today, I don’t feel like I am better than my mum. I don’t judge her or resent her but rather love and honour her as the woman who gave me the best gift of all… my life. I am aware she has a different journey from my own. I don’t feel better or worse than her, simply different. We’re all unique human beings after all.
Today when I look back and ahead of myself, I feel this pull to inspire others to follow the path of self-discovery that I myself chose 25 years ago. The path of devoting time, energy and money to develop and nurture awareness inside and out. It was a deliberate choice that led me to transform into the woman and mum I am too.
What I feel like I’m living today is a real miracle. One that I dreamed about only 25 years ago. How many of us mums desire to have strong and honest relationships with our children? Obstacles showed up many, many times but I never gave up on the dream I envisioned when Stella, my daughter, was born. There was a lot of fire to walk through before reaching the miracle of having the wonderful relationship with Stella that I experience today. I would call it a miracle rather than a dream. A miracle is different from a dream in that it requires something bigger than us to unfold… and I can’t deny that I felt divine support over the last 25 years to get me to where I am.
What’s the message I’d like to send for the beginning of 2018? That without a strong necessity to build my wellbeing and self-awareness, I would not be who I am today. And that without an inner strength that kept fuelling me on day by day through all the various trials that I faced, I would never have found myself at this point today. The relationship and love I live with Stella today is a result of allowing and trusting myself to feel the fear, sometimes terror, of the unknown that loomed ahead of me. It’s the outcome of embracing the uncertainty as well as accepting and welcoming the fear of facing what needed to be faced.
With the purpose of breaking the chain clear in my mind, I eventually transformed myself into a different woman and a different mum. I feel like I set a new benchmark for myself as a parent compared to what I’d known as a child and created a new destiny for myself.
And the result of committing myself to nurturing self-awareness and wellbeing inside and out 25 years ago is clearly unraveling on my daughter Stella today.
We’re at the end of the year and what better time is there to set a vision for ourselves for the year to come? I would suggest that wherever you are in your life, you don’t just set a vision for 2018, but a vision for the next 25 years. A long term vision made up of short term steps that you can take every year to help you achieve your dream patiently and successfully. And the vital ingredients through the process include trust, love for yourself and lots of patience. This vision will undoubtedly come true when you choose to build self-awareness and wellbeing by devoting your time, energy and money to set those strong foundations before you build that beautiful house.
Header image by Nathan Anderson